April 1st, 2017. Stony Brook, NY. If you’ve been to Stony Brook University campus lately, you may have noticed that students are all parking in the appropriately marked spaces. Faculty and staff are overjoyed. Transportation and Parking Services has not had to write a ticket in three weeks!
This new reality is thanks to the Stony Brook Project, a new collaboration among School of Marine and Atmospheric Sciences, the College of Arts & Sciences, and Brookhaven National Laboratory. The Stony Brook Project utilizes the latest in radar technology to control human minds.
The implications of this breakthrough will be revolutionary. As the tests with humans continue to prove successful, the research will shift focus and study the use of radar in an attempt to control people, animals and the weather. If the hypothesis proves correct, SoMAS will be able to use these radar to deflect cold winter storms toward Connecticut and pull warmer weather up from Florida.
During the 2013 DREAMS project, the high-resolution Doppler on Wheels (DOW) was used to zoom in on Long Island’s local weather phenomena. While completing a routine observation, the radar scanner was accidentally turned to “11.” At that setting, it was able to control the minds of those in the radius of the scan. While the resulting data is inconclusive, the 2013 Jones Beach/Nassau County Traffic Jam continues to be studied.
Professor Pavlos Kollias, joint faculty with Stony Brook University’s School of Marine and Atmospheric Sciences and Brookhaven National Laboratory, secured the funding for the project. His scientific sorcery provided the magic for the radar technology at the Stony Brook Radar Yard. In addition to monitoring and controlling human behavior, the radar technology will also be used to monitor and track the increase of sharknados, along with other normal types of weather.
This article is the Aprils Fools 2017 Joke by the School of Marine and Atmospheric Sciences at Stony Brook University. Many thanks to the School of Journalism, the Center for News Literacy and the College of Arts and Sciences for their assistance.
ABOUT STONY BROOK UNIVERSITY AND THE STATE UNIVERSITY OF NEW YORK
Stony Brook University is going beyond the expectations of what today’s public universities can accomplish with April Fool’s Jokes. Our collection of April Fool’s gags includes the following: The University offers students an opportunity to examine the increase in sharknados with its Sharknado Studies minor. The State University of New York announced DEEP BLUE, the 65th SUNY campus set to be the flagship campus for SUNY and the fleet of the School of Marine and Atmospheric Sciences will provide escort duty for DEEP BLUE. Undergraduate Student Government brought airplanes to campus with the satirical “United Airlines Party.”
Visit Newsday and Business Insider for their suggestions for spotting fake news. And check out the Center for News Literacy‘s online MOOC “Making Senses of the News: News Literacy Lessons for Digital Citizens” to learn more about evaluating the quality of news and journalism in order to judge the reliability of information and make informed judgement.